I was always scared of demons. Growing up, they were painted as evil beings who would pierce through you, and we were powerless to stop them. I carried this fear with me throughout my race, never daring to confront what had always been there around me.
In January, during my leadership training for N squad, we learned about demonic influences. We learned how we can have strongholds in our lives, and even if we are believers walking with the Lord, there can still be a demonic influence or oppression in our lives. Saying that I felt afraid would be an understatement. The very thought of demons having an influence on my life made my skin crawl. The thought of them having any hold on me struck a deep fear that I didn’t want to face.
I wasn’t denying that this was real, but I was afraid that I may have to confront it while on the field. And I felt unprepared and ill-equipped in every way possible. After we launched, we flew to Honduras where we came face to face with the spiritual realm. At night we would hear footsteps around our tents, or strange noises in the church when nothing was around. Once again, I felt completely paralyzed by fear. It sunk deep into my bones. My breath always felt stuck in my throat. I was completely frozen.
As I slept, I would have intense dreams about demons. They were everywhere. In my dreams, I would try to cast them out, but they would never leave. Instead they would stare at me and laugh. Night after night the dreams never failed to show. Always vivid and intense.
And then came Costa Rica. We stayed in a beach town full of witchcraft and voodoo. Throughout the night the floors in the rooms would creek as if being walked on. The beds would shake as if someone was moving around in them. And again, I was paralyzed in my dreams. I dreamt of demons laying heavily on my body, weighing me down in my bed until it felt like I could breakthrough the floor. And when I tried to call on the name of Jesus, they would steal my voice. The air in the city was always thick and heavy, almost hard to swallow.
And then, a small voice whispered in my ear. Why don’t you trust Me to protect you? I stopped in my tracks. Was I not trusting God to protect me against the enemy? Was I giving away the power and authority the Lord had already given me?
In that moment, I knew that I couldn’t walk in this fear anymore. Something had to change. Because being controlled by the fear does nothing for the Kingdom of God. And if I am supposed to stand in authority and show others the love of God, then I need to start acting as if I know God. God is loving and God is just. He is like a king and I am like His daughter. The princess knows her father as loving and kind and gentle. But on the battle field, the king is fierce and bold and ready to protect at any cost. That is who God is. He doesn’t leave us unprotected. Even though we will face evil, He is covering us. Stand up in the midst of fear. Cover yourself with His truth. And if you feel afraid, remember that the King has already battled for you.
Keep an eye out for my next blog where I’ll share how the Lord has been continuing to break off fear and growing me in boldness and authority.
Here are some ways you can be praying for me:
- The Squad – The Lord is bringing breakthrough. They are hungry for more of God and for the freedom He has for them. Pray they would continue to press in and seek more of Him. Pray that the Lord would continue to press and crush and peel away anything that is not of Him.
- My co-leaders – Pray the Lord would continue to give us wisdom and discernment as we lead our teams and this squad. Pray we would wake up every morning refreshed and renewed. Pray we would continue to grow closer as a leadership team.
- Me – Pray for continuous joy. We are almost done with month 2. The Lord has done so much already, and I know He will continue to do great things. Pray into supporting me in my ministry. You can support by joining my prayer team or financially. The only way I am able to be here is through your support. Thank you so much for doing this with me.
If you would like to donate, you can do so through my new donation link:
“Because being controlled by the fear does nothing for the Kingdom of God.” WOW WOW WOW, I wish I knew this earlier in my walk. This is sooo true and still a constant choice! So proud of you for pressing into victory and battling the enemy with Truth Himself. I love learning from you!
I love your determination, Hannah, and how you are motivated for the sake of others.
Keep pressing on.
I, too, press forward to the mark ahead. Let’s encourage each other along the way. Our reaching freedom will help others into freedom as well.
I’m learning how greatly we are LOVED by God, and how ALL POWERFUL HE is!
That revelation is helping me so much! I pray that for you, too!
Here is my go-to statement when I face scary things….(The enemy always backs down when I say this with confidence.)
“FAR GREATER is HE within me than you who are in the world!”
From 1 John 4:4
You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.
Wow Zim, thanks for being vulnerable and sharing about your fear. So glad that the Lord is giving you freedom in this. I am positive others on the squad and folks back home have also dealt with this fear. Thank you for sharing!